i’m not just a lucky bastard

every time people ask me how did I get “here”, I answer: sweating. literally. sweating in the bus to get to meetings scheduled really far from my office, running out of time but still working hard so i can meet really (really… really!) tight deadlines. eating junk food to go back to work quickly, for days. even weeks. drinking as much coffee as i can without creating a hole in my stomach. it’s hard to get. and listening to pop music so i could dance instead of falling asleep after three days working without having more than 4 hours of sleep. coffee doesn’t help in it at all, if you wanna know.

and now that i’m “here” (where is “here”, i wanna ask, but won’t), everyone tells me i’m just a lucky bastard for getting this job, meeting these people and working for someone with whom i can possibly be in the background of a picture in a magazine cover. but i’m not a lucky bastard. i’m a hardworker and being a hardworker has its price. it’s expensive. it gets you tired. it gets you awake for days. it’s not cool. it’s not cool to be a workaholic. it can’t be cool to drink so much coffee your blood changes color. it can’t be good when you’re not able to be in your cousin’s birthday just to meet an impossible deadline.

my dad always told me i had to keep balance — i never listened. my whole life’s been a succession of days i wake up standing in the limit of the abyss and ready to take another step. and. never. fall. day by day, learning to build more floor below my feet. learning to make the 16 year old girl who started working in her family business proud. because that girl never loved her family business. neither does the woman i’m today. but i love so fucking much everything i conquered. every job interview, every project i finished 4 hours before the deadline after spending the night desperate with no ideas. every awaken night. every day waking up 5am, every coffee, every task list filled with checks. everything that will always be alright.

when you finally understand this — when you finally understand that everything is gonna be alright and that the bad is going to pass as fast as the last good day did, your life gets much more sense. your life gets better because you understand you can’t avoy sadness just to be happy one more day in a row. and you simply deal with sadness the way you deal with happiness: being sad and letting your blood heat and you skin burn. letting tears come and people go. you do all of it because you are strong and you deserve the good days that will come after. you do all of it because you sweat, and don’t because you’re a lucky bastard. you can only be called by that if you don’t do a thing and get stuff. if you sweat, if you try, if you work hard, you’re not lucky. you simply conquered what you worked for. and you deserve it. enjoy.